Pass The Brass

Whilst walkin’ with my “terps” to chow today we had a fun little conversation on the meanings of different words.

Long story short: “You can slap and smack the face, and you can slap, smack, and spank the ass…but you can’t spank the face.”

So today I walk out of the latrines to the smell of burning plastic. Most people don’t burn plastic on purpose, so it was obviously not a good fire. I notice a slight haze all around and a light coloumn of smoke rising behind the latrines. I walk around to see the wood collection bin on full bllaze. The flames were a good 12-15 feet high. It was awesome though cuz the whole fire was just kinda sittin in the wood bin like it didn’t wanna leave…just shootin straight up and chillin’ like that. So I play the part of the little girl and go running down the hall screamin at the top of my lungs. Very “Banshee-esque” if you ask me. So I’m runnin down the hall screamin “someone call the fire department! The wood bin’s on fire!” Sadly, my message was misinterrpreted as the “burn bin was on fire”. As you can guess…a burn bin being on fire is very much the norm and not necessarily an occasion for those hard workin fire fightin’ dudes to get all geared up and haul ass over here. So they simply berate me for “over-reacting on the radio”. My bad. Next time I see a 13 foot high wall of flame, I’ll just grab the smore’s and hop to it. Or maybe I could just grab a fire extinguisher. But I guess I’m just a wuss like that. Dangit that sux.

So uh…how about them Middle Eastern Conflicts, huh? Good stuff goin on over there I swear.

The only thing I have to say about this new war goin on is all those dumb asses in Lebanon who are bitching and complaining about how the US isn’t getting them out of there in time and how this is gonna be “another Katrina” disaster.

I got two words for you morons. Tough cookies. And those are two NICE words. Don’t make me get colorful.

You guys are the ones who decided it would be a good idea to go vacation in unstable countries to begin with and now you’re gonna have the gaul to blame your own stinkin GOVERNMENT?!? WTF!?! How dependant can you get? You sorry people couldn’t even cover yer own arses cuz you didn’t try. To just sit back and say “Don’t worry, the government will take care of this,’ is complete BULL!! Get off yer own ass, and take care of your damn self. And if you fail and get stuck? THEN…Uncle Sam will bail you out. Complete reliance on a government to save yer ass every time something goes wrong is the first step towards bigger government. You’ll sit there and bitch and moan about how you don’t like the government listenin in on your phone conversations but now yer gonna start cryin soon as things get dangerous and beggin Uncle Sam to pull yer ass out of it.

So all you people out there in Labanon right now…do some good and pick up a rifle or somethin’ and give good ole Israel a hand and shoot some Hezbolla or somethin’. Or you can just sit there and cry and write your sob stories to CNN so they can bash the US on worldwide TV.

I got my first “combat wound” yesterday. I got a cool picture of it I’m gonna post on the photoblog. Sadly, I cleaned the wound out before I snapped the shot, so there’s no gore. I’m sorry, I really am. I’ve learned my lesson. I’ve even established a small rep.

“Sure Fire’s gonna be the wrong guy to ever get injured here. He’s gonna get his arm blown off and instead of callin for a medic he’s gonna be taking pictures of it.”

Now…there’s a couple rumors floatin around about how I came to get this ‘gaping head wound”. I can neither confirm nor deny any of these tall tales. But I do like one in particular. I think I might use that one on my grandchildren when I show them the scar….if it ever becomes on anyway.

Story 1:

So no shit, there I was drivin down Bakalakadaka Street and the entire strip is completely dead…there aint a soul to be seen. So we already know somethin’s up.

Suddenly, a baddie jumps up on the roof directly across from me with an RPG-7 mounted and ready on his shoulder. Without any hesitation he let’s fly on the trigger and sends a Rocket Propelled Grenade flying my way at just-too-fast-to-dodge speeds. With little to no reaction time I perform a knee-jerk reaction of head butting the RPG. Hey, it sounded good at the time.

*that awesome story donated by one of our interpreters.

Story 2:

Drivin down the main highway, we’re passing a bunch of kids and as my truck rolls by I wave to the kids and tell them that they are the greatest in my best Aribic. In reply one of the them gives me the bird and another chucks a rock at my face. I freeze in abject terror at the audacity of this young innocent child(read: terrorist in training) who hates me simply because I am an American soldier. So being in the “deer-in-the-headlights like stage that I am, the rock glides right into my noggin with a perfect touch down on my upper dorsimus nogginus(laymans terms: Ma fo-head.)

Story 3:

I’m in my room cleaning and my wall locker is opened up as I’m cleaning out the interior. As I’m bent over picking something off the floor, I turn into the wall locker on the ascent and drag my skull plate up the sharp edge of the inside of the walllocker door…ripping the flesh wide open and leaving chuncks of gore hangin on the locker door(Slight exaggeration.) At first I perform the initial reaction of when you smack your head on something; I grip my skull and wince my face as hard as possible and say “Oooooo, that kIIIllllls!” So I did that, then as I pull my handss away I see…”Blood! Blood! Bright red blood!” So I commence to scream like a little two year old girl and run wailing down the hall as the blood spurted from my head plate.

And so like always, it’s now your turn to to cypher this textual transcription and decide which falshoods are….well falsehoods and which truths are really truths. So anyway, I made this one pretty easy for you all. Good luck.

Just thought I’d put this out. Registration has become a new hit. We all had to register our Myspace pages too. Awesome-nicity.

But I’ve been a good boy lately so I am in no way afeared of this. All it means is a bigger audience…more hearts and minds to capture.

So WELCOME ALL to Pass the Brass dot com where I attempt to enlighten the world with my “inner-vision” of the United States military life. And good times were had by all.

*APPLAUSE* *APPLAUSE* *APPLAUSE*

So have I changed? Or has everyone else just learned to deal with me?

Just a little more on the mentality thing over here…

oh, and just a little insert here…I ran into one of my basic training flunkees over here…I hated all of those guys, I’m not gonna lie. Anyway…this guy’s Reserve’s and he’s still fat as hell. That pissed me off. Just wanted to get that out there.

I can’t help but constantly be reminded of how important attitude is over here. You see the effects of it every day. You can see how one person can ruin their whol day by having a bad morning, and then you can see how others can just go about their days just fine by keepin’ the ever-cool head. And then there’s those time’s where the little things get to you. Even the people who say “don’t let them get to you”…they get gotten as well. (don’t correct my engrish…this is my blog, I’ll mis-type whatever the hell I want)

The other day I get picked to roll out with the PSD team on my “maintanence day”. Of course, this means I’m rollin around Bag-Dad while the rest of my platoon is gettin our trucks sqaured away and then bein able to take care of all their personal needs. I’m out savin’ the world yet again. And of course that job alone is enough to sour one’s attitude for the rest of the day. Somehow I managed to keep my head on straight cuz I really wasn’t all that pissed. Yah I was kinda upset that I had to go do all that stuff while everyone else is breakin’ at 1200 for lunch, while I’m cookin’ in a truck in 113 degree weather with a humidity level of 85…that sucked lemme tell ya. The only “upside” I got out of that day was when we stopped by BIAP(Baghdad International Airport) and I got to grab some Booger King. But you can guess just how good that stuff is in Irak. Healthy too.

So anyway, we get back around 1700 hours…ah who the hell am I kidding…it was 5 in the afternoon, so I finish downloading my gear out of the truck and head to my room to climatize(read: cool down) and enjoy some good ole fashioned relaxation(read: sittin’ there doin’ nuthin’.) Throughout it all, my day went well cuz I kept a good attitude about it. And not to mention upon my return to my room I found that my internet line was installed so I don’t have to pay too ungodly of an amount to enjoy teh inter-web(yes, I know how freakin’ lucky I am, but this isn’t war, so it ain’t hell.)

I’ve come a long way in the military, moreso on a personal level than at a…for lack of better words, a military level. Granted I’ve been promoted twice, but those are given. I’ve gained so much personal insight through these last few years in the military, I wonder what kind of a person I would have been had I never joined. I know I wouldn’t be the same person, but would that be for the good or the bad? I’ll never know. God pounds His nails.

So I been thinkin’ why my attitude has been so…up…these last few days, weeks..month?…and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s due to my recent kicked up trend of reading books. I started off a while back when my first laptop crashed and I had absolutely nuthin’ to do. So I went and found me some Stephen King novels. Yah, I know, not the GREATEST of authors, but I love his imagination none the less. So I read about 5 of his books and thats when I found Orson Scott Card at the PX. Just for ya’lls information, OSC is my absolute favorite author. Has been since about 9th Grade when I first picked up a copy of Ender’s Game at the local library.

Anyway, long story short, I’m 4 books into his Alvin Maker series, and i just finished Ender’s Trilogy(for the second time.) Everytime I read his stuff I’m always intellectually stimulated due in part to his vast knowledge of…just about everything really. Ender’s Trilogy is a dive into Humanity’s traits and I love how he nails it all on the head. He has an awesome understanding of how we tend to act against the unknown. And the Alvin Maker series is just a great way to feel like you’re back in the pioneering days…with a bit of a twist.

So I think all that reading has kept my head on a better level instead of being constantly downed by the fact that I’m in Irak…and this country smells of poo gas. I’m glad I learned to read in High School. I probably would be pretty miserable right now if I hadn’t.

First off, I’d like to say I hope everyone had an awesome Independance Day! I’m sorry this couldn’t be posted earlier, but after all…I am in Irak. Things don’t always work out that way.

My 4th of July was spent in a relatively exotic fashion…driving the streets of a dangerous foreign nation. Not too many people can boast that…well, not too many non-military anyway.

So I hope everyone shot at least one firearm, and launched or watched some size massive fireworks detonate in the sky. Just a little “rocket’s red glare” to know that our grand “flag is still there.” Go and enjoy some crazy freedom that you usually take for granted…be spontaneous. Just go doing the first thing that pops in your mind…or something you just feel like doing. Of course, stay within the guidlines of the law so as not to go gettin yerself in trouble. Go to that ice cream shop down the street. Go fishin somewhere. Go kayaking…do something outdoors and enjoy our beautiful American Air.

“Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease!”

In our DFAC(Dining FACility) we have two sides. One side plays sports on the TVs and the other side plays the news. Being that I’m not the biggest sports fan(I like watching baseball…that’s about it) I, more often than not, choose to sit on the news side and see what madness is going on in the world these days. Some days I am interested to see a little bit about stocks, a little about natural disasters, a tiny bit about Irak, and a little more on other going’s about in the United States. And then there’s those dinners where I sit down to see Face The Nation on tv. I’m not the biggest fan of that guy mainly due to his primarily left standings, but I do learn a little bit here and there after I filter through his bull shit. And it’s the very same bullshit that this post is going to vent on.

I’m sick and tired af hearing the left’s spin on shit, and then when the news switches over to Fox and then I get to hear some of the right wings spin. I have always considered myself a right winger just because where most of my beliefs stand, but I am starting to see the same stupid crap on Fox that I see on CNN. The spin’s are so out of control that I don’t know who the hell to trust anymore. I hate hearing CNN pull 2nd grade tactics and pop off stupid comments that crack on the right…and the same goes for the right side.

If I’m to sit there and watch the news, I don’t want a damned spin on it. Just give me the news as it happened..I could give to shits about why you think it did, or why you think the other guys are to blame. I don’t want your God pounded opinions…I want facts or nothing at all.

I have from this point forward denounced any political standing. I am neither right wing, nor left wing. I hate both sides equally now. I will form my beliefs off of what I see and hear. I’m just gonna have to hear whatever I can and try to pick the truth out of it.

I hate politics.

Just put up a few pics on the ole Photoblog. Some are older pics, I just never took the time to sort through all my pictures. I’ve been slackin in that field too in that I haven’t taken a good photo in forever.

Hope you enjoy the new pics…